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breathe

posted by adam on 07.25.2006 at 8:25 pm
this is how it feels when I
ignore the words You spoke to me
this is where I lose myself
when I keep running away from You
this is who I am when I
don’t know myself anymore
this is what I choose when it’s
all left up to me…
breathe Your life into me—Red, “Breathe Into Me”
I’ve had something of a revelation today. It’s not a new thought or an original thought, but it’s still valid. Even profound. Here it is: it doesn’t mean much to call myself a disciple, which by definition implies submission to God, if I still pretty much live as I want to live.Now I’m not talking about sex and drugs. I’m not talking about stealing or lying. Point of fact, I’m not talking about any of the “big sins”—neither the top ten (the ten commandments) nor the forbidden seven (the seven deadly sins). Not even any of the ones that make both lists. No, I’m just talking about submission, really.

Said another way, it makes no sense to call Jesus Lord and then live as though I call the shots.

I’m talking about decisions. I’m talking about priorities. I’m talking about the thousand things great and small that accumulate to form the sum total of my worship—how I live my life. What matters to me.

I realized today what a wretched mess my life becomes with me at the helm. I don’t mean that in any kind of a trite way, either. Seriously. I make a mess of things. Fast. Like the lines from the song quoted above, this is me when I try to live on my own…

Of course there is always Christian speak coming out of my mouth. I always sound and look like a nice guy. Almost always. I’m not talking about those appearances. I’m talking about being me. I’m talking about the condition of my heart. I’m talking about pealing away the façade I hide behind all too often and venturing to see if the man underneath can honestly call Jesus “Master”.

I’m talking about what to do if he can’t.

I want to level with you—a lot of the time I do things my way. Sometimes I pray about what I’m doing, sometimes I just do it. I typically have a “righteous” justification for my actions, especially the harsh ones, but that doesn’t really make anything righteous. I’ve come to realize that I need to submit more. I need to call Him Master more. I need to seek His will, His way, more. After all, I don’t really know what I’m doing.

So I guess,

this is me when I
confess I can’t do it on my own…
May His grace be manifest in me. God knows I need it.

posted by adam on 07.25.2006 at 8:25 pm

4 responses to “breathe”

Gimme a break!

left by Anonymous on 07.25.2006 at 8:39 pm

Apparently I need to be asking you to give me a break, oh brave one. (Brave enough to criticize, but not quite brave enough to do it with your own name.)

left by adam martin on 07.25.2006 at 9:37 pm

Great post, it really goes to the heart of what it means to be a disciple. Sometimes I feel like the man speaking to Jesus, “I believe; help me in my unbelief.”

(Gimme A Break was a good show)

left by Mike on 07.27.2006 at 12:29 pm

Anonymous seems to have a significant problem. I’m not sure what it is since there is so little to see but a problem none the less. Anyone who can’t identify with your thoughts is fooling themselves.

left by Randy on 08.03.2006 at 4:45 pm

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